There are times in my life that things just go haywire and seem to get waaay out of control. Well, the last six months have been pretty much one of those times and it is continuing. Mother had hip surgery, moved in with me, I changed jobs, saw a psychiatrist and seemed to have my life turn inside out. If you have ever lived near a lake you know that at certain times of the year, a lake will "turn over". This means that the bottom water comes up and the top water goes down, or so it seems. During this time, the fishing isn't good and the lake water, no matter how pretty the lake usually is, is murky and not really attractive. I feel like my life has "turned over". I have felt murky and not good for much of anything. It has been a time that I feel like I have not been good for a lot of anything. I know that I have continued to be productive, and life goes on, etc......
Now I sit in the hospital with my mother. She fell the day before her 80th birthday and bumped her head. It did not seem so bad, and I ( a nurse) waited a few days before I took her to be scanned.
Well, she did have a head bleed and now we are working on day 4 in the hospital. She has a headache and the medicine that helps the headache makes her so confused that she cannot be left alone for a minute.
Through the night last night, I found out that my sister and her late husband are now raising chickens for food. ( I'm sure she will be surprised to find out about that, since she is remarried and I don't think her present husband is the chicken raising type of man). She has told me various stories of mish mash confusion that I considered taping, but thought it would probably make me confused, like when she asked me what day it was. I told her it was Saturday, "Is it next Saturday or last Saturday?" Well, I had to stop and think a minute before I answered. When I told her that it was this Saturday, she said "Oh I"ve missed a lot." That was on the second day in the hospital. This morning she tried to tell me she had been here at least a week, and that we were in the basement of my son's apartment building.
Anyway, here I sit and wonder, am I going to be 80 someday and SOOOOconfused? If I am, I hope that my kids can laugh at me and take it all in stride. I also hope that I can keep taking this all in stride, even tho sometimes it is hard. It is my mom and its easy to SAY just hang in there, but its entirely different when you are the one that is doing the hanging. At least now she is sleeping ......for now and not hurting.
Dear Ruthann,
ReplyDeleteI love you! I am sorry you feel like you are just hanging in there. I will tell you right now you are far from a monkey so you are not (just) hanging in there. Your job is a huge blessing for you! Just think you finished nursing school to get away from bookkeeping and monogramming. Grandma being in hospital is also a huge blessing because she is no longer in the intensive care! Everyone and I mean everyone has something that they are going through now, has gone through, or will be going through that isn't exactly what they want! Consider the Bible (God's breathed WORD---this has really stood out to me this past week!!!) how many stories do you read about where all things in the Christians life events are perfectly pleasant? I guess it is just how you choose to do and give with what God has breathed upon at every time in your life. Remember the question Joan asked? What defines you? Love you and so glad you are keeping a genuine smile on your face.
you are precious to be so quick with encouragement. I know that this is just a season and it is all for a reason and it is a blessing. I feel blessed to be able to take care of mother. I love you too.
ReplyDeleteWell, looking back on this now, I can laugh, knowing Grandma's okay, but I bet it was pretty scary at the time. If I did a better job of keeping up with my blog-reading, I might have a clue what's going on with the family.
ReplyDeleteLove you.