The words "Just hang in there, this is normal and it will be over soon. You will just have to be patient." will never pass from my lips to a patient's family again. After keeping watch over my confused mother for a week and trying to hold everything together, I realize how empty and useless those words really feel. There is no comfort in that advice. How is that supposed to help someone deal with a loved one that has always been strong and independent that is now totally dependent and has to be watched 24-7.
Mother has 2 holes in her head that they drained the blood and a little drain, along with what she calls a "raging headache". The pain medicine does not get rid of the pain, it only knocks her out for a short while and then when she wakes up she has a headache and is confused. I feel so sorry for her. She also knows that I feel bad for her and she also wants someone to stay with her, so we dance a circle of mother-daugther changing roles back and forth. It makes my head spin and now after a week, I have a headache.
Today is Friday. Mother was admitted one week ago to the intensive care unit. She was moved to a regular room, then to surgery and back to the unit. Now we are anticipating a move back to a room again. I am going to work today for the first time since she has been sick. I have to admit I am apprehensive about going to work, I feel like I am "leaving her", which is hilarious, because I work in the hospital and I will just be down the hall from her.
Sometimes I think I am the confused one and not her.
Even though I hate the words just hang in there, that's how I feel, and I know that the Lord knows the end of all this and all of my life is Holy Spirit filtered, I have to keep reminding myself constantly that I will make it through all this. We all will. I appreciate all prayers. Keep on praying, I pray, but sometimes they are more like whines and moans, but I know God hears those too.
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