I am a multi tasker. I will be working, making clothes for a vacation, taking care of every one, trying to make sure 40 details are done, clean the house on and on ...... and eventually it will be done and we are in a car and heading down the road towards wherever to have a "vacation". When we do get there I realize I have forgotten my clothes, someones clothes, whatever.
Today I wonder if that is how I am as I travel toward heaven. Am I so busy doing all the things I think are important, that I am forgetting the important things. One day will I stand before the Lord and He will say, "What about that friend that needed to talk for just a minute but you were busy, or the patient that needed just one more minute of your time, or when your kids needed your attention but you were at work?
And what about all those quiet times that I waited for you but you never had time for ME?"
Am I so busy her on the road to heaven, multi tasking that I am missing the path that I need to be on?
Lord , help me to keep my eyes focused on You and the direction You would have me to take and the tasks You would have me to do as I travel on my road to Heaven.
What are you doing on your road to heaven? and how will you give account on judgement day?
Maybe multi-tasking is not all it is stacked up to be.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
One more day down....
Work was so busy that I did not even have time to check on mom for about 3 hours after I started work. She is doing great. When I called her nurse ( who knows me pretty well) he said she was no more confused than I am and that kind of worried me! Anyway she is in a room and her brain drain is out and she was much more alert yesterday.
It is amazing to me how the Lord takes such good care of us, we pray for that, we talk about how He does that and then when He does, we are amazed. We really should be amazed if He doesn't take care of us. Through all this I have worried and fretted, yesterday I had a melt down and realized that I had to turn it over to others and to the Lord and just take my hands off everything to do with mother. I am sure that I will be picking things back up and having to put them back down, but for today I am still keeping my hands off.
So as I go out the door today, I am asking the Lord to help me keep myself in His hands and focused on Him and not on earthly things. When my mind is on Him, things here on earth seem so much smaller!
Have a great day!
It is amazing to me how the Lord takes such good care of us, we pray for that, we talk about how He does that and then when He does, we are amazed. We really should be amazed if He doesn't take care of us. Through all this I have worried and fretted, yesterday I had a melt down and realized that I had to turn it over to others and to the Lord and just take my hands off everything to do with mother. I am sure that I will be picking things back up and having to put them back down, but for today I am still keeping my hands off.
So as I go out the door today, I am asking the Lord to help me keep myself in His hands and focused on Him and not on earthly things. When my mind is on Him, things here on earth seem so much smaller!
Have a great day!
Friday, November 26, 2010
Advice I will never give again......
The words "Just hang in there, this is normal and it will be over soon. You will just have to be patient." will never pass from my lips to a patient's family again. After keeping watch over my confused mother for a week and trying to hold everything together, I realize how empty and useless those words really feel. There is no comfort in that advice. How is that supposed to help someone deal with a loved one that has always been strong and independent that is now totally dependent and has to be watched 24-7.
Mother has 2 holes in her head that they drained the blood and a little drain, along with what she calls a "raging headache". The pain medicine does not get rid of the pain, it only knocks her out for a short while and then when she wakes up she has a headache and is confused. I feel so sorry for her. She also knows that I feel bad for her and she also wants someone to stay with her, so we dance a circle of mother-daugther changing roles back and forth. It makes my head spin and now after a week, I have a headache.
Today is Friday. Mother was admitted one week ago to the intensive care unit. She was moved to a regular room, then to surgery and back to the unit. Now we are anticipating a move back to a room again. I am going to work today for the first time since she has been sick. I have to admit I am apprehensive about going to work, I feel like I am "leaving her", which is hilarious, because I work in the hospital and I will just be down the hall from her.
Sometimes I think I am the confused one and not her.
Even though I hate the words just hang in there, that's how I feel, and I know that the Lord knows the end of all this and all of my life is Holy Spirit filtered, I have to keep reminding myself constantly that I will make it through all this. We all will. I appreciate all prayers. Keep on praying, I pray, but sometimes they are more like whines and moans, but I know God hears those too.
Mother has 2 holes in her head that they drained the blood and a little drain, along with what she calls a "raging headache". The pain medicine does not get rid of the pain, it only knocks her out for a short while and then when she wakes up she has a headache and is confused. I feel so sorry for her. She also knows that I feel bad for her and she also wants someone to stay with her, so we dance a circle of mother-daugther changing roles back and forth. It makes my head spin and now after a week, I have a headache.
Today is Friday. Mother was admitted one week ago to the intensive care unit. She was moved to a regular room, then to surgery and back to the unit. Now we are anticipating a move back to a room again. I am going to work today for the first time since she has been sick. I have to admit I am apprehensive about going to work, I feel like I am "leaving her", which is hilarious, because I work in the hospital and I will just be down the hall from her.
Sometimes I think I am the confused one and not her.
Even though I hate the words just hang in there, that's how I feel, and I know that the Lord knows the end of all this and all of my life is Holy Spirit filtered, I have to keep reminding myself constantly that I will make it through all this. We all will. I appreciate all prayers. Keep on praying, I pray, but sometimes they are more like whines and moans, but I know God hears those too.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Has it really been that long......
There are times in my life that things just go haywire and seem to get waaay out of control. Well, the last six months have been pretty much one of those times and it is continuing. Mother had hip surgery, moved in with me, I changed jobs, saw a psychiatrist and seemed to have my life turn inside out. If you have ever lived near a lake you know that at certain times of the year, a lake will "turn over". This means that the bottom water comes up and the top water goes down, or so it seems. During this time, the fishing isn't good and the lake water, no matter how pretty the lake usually is, is murky and not really attractive. I feel like my life has "turned over". I have felt murky and not good for much of anything. It has been a time that I feel like I have not been good for a lot of anything. I know that I have continued to be productive, and life goes on, etc......
Now I sit in the hospital with my mother. She fell the day before her 80th birthday and bumped her head. It did not seem so bad, and I ( a nurse) waited a few days before I took her to be scanned.
Well, she did have a head bleed and now we are working on day 4 in the hospital. She has a headache and the medicine that helps the headache makes her so confused that she cannot be left alone for a minute.
Through the night last night, I found out that my sister and her late husband are now raising chickens for food. ( I'm sure she will be surprised to find out about that, since she is remarried and I don't think her present husband is the chicken raising type of man). She has told me various stories of mish mash confusion that I considered taping, but thought it would probably make me confused, like when she asked me what day it was. I told her it was Saturday, "Is it next Saturday or last Saturday?" Well, I had to stop and think a minute before I answered. When I told her that it was this Saturday, she said "Oh I"ve missed a lot." That was on the second day in the hospital. This morning she tried to tell me she had been here at least a week, and that we were in the basement of my son's apartment building.
Anyway, here I sit and wonder, am I going to be 80 someday and SOOOOconfused? If I am, I hope that my kids can laugh at me and take it all in stride. I also hope that I can keep taking this all in stride, even tho sometimes it is hard. It is my mom and its easy to SAY just hang in there, but its entirely different when you are the one that is doing the hanging. At least now she is sleeping ......for now and not hurting.
Now I sit in the hospital with my mother. She fell the day before her 80th birthday and bumped her head. It did not seem so bad, and I ( a nurse) waited a few days before I took her to be scanned.
Well, she did have a head bleed and now we are working on day 4 in the hospital. She has a headache and the medicine that helps the headache makes her so confused that she cannot be left alone for a minute.
Through the night last night, I found out that my sister and her late husband are now raising chickens for food. ( I'm sure she will be surprised to find out about that, since she is remarried and I don't think her present husband is the chicken raising type of man). She has told me various stories of mish mash confusion that I considered taping, but thought it would probably make me confused, like when she asked me what day it was. I told her it was Saturday, "Is it next Saturday or last Saturday?" Well, I had to stop and think a minute before I answered. When I told her that it was this Saturday, she said "Oh I"ve missed a lot." That was on the second day in the hospital. This morning she tried to tell me she had been here at least a week, and that we were in the basement of my son's apartment building.
Anyway, here I sit and wonder, am I going to be 80 someday and SOOOOconfused? If I am, I hope that my kids can laugh at me and take it all in stride. I also hope that I can keep taking this all in stride, even tho sometimes it is hard. It is my mom and its easy to SAY just hang in there, but its entirely different when you are the one that is doing the hanging. At least now she is sleeping ......for now and not hurting.
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