Looking Back

A few posts back I talked about quiet times with God and how important those times were to all of us.  As I have been searching the last few days and trying to unravel all the twists and turns of my confusion, one of the things I realize is the lack of regular time spent with the Lord.  I have been remiss to commit a set time to pray, read and worship Him.  Oh, I whisper that quick prayer as I rush through my morning or as I put my head on my pillow.  I know that God wakens me in the middle of the night with someone on my mind and I will pray feverently for them.  I am quick to pray for my patients and co-workers.  I read scriptures here and there...after all I do have the Bible on my IPod with me all the time.  But that intimate relationship that I once had with my Lord has drifted and that frightful luke warm temperature in my relationship with God has occurred.  I have now recommitted to be more diligent and committed to prayer, reading my Bible and worship.  As I have examined all the things that I need to change, my spiritual well-being is at the very center of everything.  So now I am one step closer to working out all that I know must be "fixed" and that won't happen overnight.  I know that just saying that I need a quiet time is not enough; that it will take effort because I am a creature of habit and I have some bad habits that will have to be broken and new habits made.  Feel free to comment and offer any suggestions.   Thanks for reading.

Where Have I Been?

Yes, I am back to blog.  It has been a long 10 days.  And where does the time go?  I did not even realize that it had been 10 days until this morning when I opened the site.  Anyway, I apologize to those that have been looking and finding nothing new.  On to some new things ....that are really old but need to be said  again and again.

This morning I was straightening my hair ( like every morning) and my cord was too short.  I looked at it and it was twisted and tangled.  Well how did that happen?  I knew that it had been tangled and each morning I would think, next time I am going to straighten that cord, but I would rush on through the morning and leave the cord tangled.   Finally, the cord was so tangled that it would not even reach from the plug to my head.  Do you see where I am going?   When I started to untangle the cord there were knots in the cord...now how did knots get in the cord?  In fact how did the cord get so tangled?  

My life is like that cord.  I have rushed on thru things and pressed on, noticing tangles but able to keep going even tho there are tangles.  Now I have reached a point that I am going to have to do some untangling.  I have realized that my life is so full of knots that I am unable to function as I should.  I am not sure that I want to see all the knots that I have in my life.  But I am going to press on. I know that I am spiritually, emotionally and physically wornout.  The next months (or year, however long it takes) I will be untangling things.  Some things I will share here and some things I may not want to share, I may not want to see it at all just yet.   Now don't get excited and think that you will read about some juicy sex or big blow up.  I have just let myself spin out of control and the Lord will let you know when it is time to give Him back control of your life and get back to listening to Him.  So the first step is to get myself spiritually in shape which is hard when you hurt all over and you are an emotional wreck.   But I know it is possible.  If you are experiencing the same symptoms, don't wait until you are totally out of control, get things in line BEFORE everything is out of control.  

In a way I am looking forward to what God will do thru all this.....watch with me....

What are you leaving behind?

I have this discussion on a regular basis.  I need to clean out some of the junk that I seem to accumulate.  Its stuff that really is of no use to me and will certainly be of no use to anyone when I am no longer here.  I really do not want my kids to have to sort through all this stuff and make the decisions whether to throw it away, keep it, donate,......... well, you get the picture.  Yet I still have boxes of stuff that I cannot seem to part with.  What is it about the projects that I think I'll do someday, you know, the ones that I was going to do when the kids were grown and now they are in their 30's and I still haven't done the projects.  Are the kids grown yet?  What about all those books that I am going to read?  Or the ones that I have already read and I am still keeping around?  

My husband and I are planning to sell our house and downsize.  I really hope that this will be a time that I clean house and get rid of all the things that I have planned to do and never get around to it.  I fully expect a freedom when those projects and books are no longer hanging over my head.  I also will feel good that my kids will not have to deal with all that stuff when I am gone from here ( or when they put me in that really nice nursing home).  

Next time I want to talk about what I do want to leave to my kids and grandkids.  

Have a good evening and don't rush around to clean out those closets and stuff.  It will all be there tomorrow....and the next day....mines been with me for years.   

Is your spouse your friend?

This week one of my friends close family members died. She stated how hard it would be on the spouse becuase they had never had children and were reallly best friends. She said, "They actually liked one another". I like my husband, and we have children and we are best friends. As I looked around those at the table, I realized that I was the odd one out. Most of the people there were not friends with their spouse. Its really a sad thing for me to think about. Are you friends with your spouse? When you go out to eat, (or maybe have a meal together at home) do you talk to one another? Or are you like the couple I saw that each one was texting and talking on the phone through the whole meal. It was a nice resturant and they should have been enjoying the food and one another. Do you tell your spouse every day that you love them? Are the two of you just living in the same house or do you actually share a life in the house? What kind of example are we setting for our children? Do they see you laughing and sharing love with one another? I hope that if anything ever happens to me or my husband that people will say, "I sure willbe hard on him/her, because they were best friends." To me that would be the greatest testimony of the love that Christ has put in our lives. Think about it, what would you want said about you? More important....what do you want in your marriage today? For starters, think about what it was about your spouse that caused you to fall in love with them in the first place? When they do that now does it irritate you or do you even notice. Remember the early days of love and romance and bring them back. Oh yeah, tell one another "I love you" at least 2-4 times a day. It won't kill you, I promise.

Peaceful Sunday morning

Its early Sunday morning and the house is quiet. The coffee is hot and the house it cool. It makes for a comfy spot in my chair. Before I went to work I loved the time after every one left and I could curl up in my chair and have that cup of coffee and spend some time alone and quiet, not really alone tho. Its important to have that time in the day to refresh and recharge yourself. Just a few minutes with the Lord to just have a time of fellowship. Kind of like Adam and Eve had in the garden way back when.....but not reallly even close.....I am sure that what Adam and Eve experienced was beyond anything we could even imagine. I envy that and at the same time treasure the times that I have. Now that I work full time those times are a little harder to capture but I still work to have those times of fellowship. Don't sacrifice the time of quiet and peace because you feel you are just too busy or have too many demands......all that busyness and all those demands will be there at the door waiting for you when you are through. Get a cup of coffee....curl up in your favorite chair....get your journal and Bible....and get ready for a nice little visit. Enjoy!

I've missed a couple of days. It seems like life is just crazy sometimes. Have you ever gone to work and felt like you were there for 3 days and it was actually only 10 hours? That's how its been lately with me. As a nurse I see so many people that are not at their best, to say the least. Families are worried and scared, so they are not very easy to deal with. Its amazing how people will act and react to illness and disease. I make it a point to remind myself that these people would not normally act this way, but they are just reacting to a situation.

I want to always be quick to offer a soothing word and a calming spirit to all the people I come in contact with in the hospital. If I can make the journey through the cold sterile halls a little easier for someone then I feel that I have done what I was placed here to do.

As a Christian I believe very strongly that I should be ever ready with a prayer or a word for some one in need. When a patient or a family member requests a prayer, I will not hesitate to pray with them. I consider it an honor to be asked to pray for these people. It is also an honor that they see in me that spirit that will lead me to pray for them. I pray that I never lose that spirit in me.

Today, I watched a lady's heart stop and then start again. Will it keep beating? I don't know, but I do know that she is in God's hands and that is where I want to be.

As I daily walk the cold hallways of the hospital, the days that feel like a week and are only 10 hours, I want to be ever mindful of who I belong to and exactly why I am here in these halls. It is not to make myself look good or create a good name for myself but to make sure that in all things I glorify God and make His name known to all I meet here.

Has it been a hard week? Yes. Will next week be easier? Probably not. Will I keep going back? Yes, I love being a nurse. Mostly, I love being able to share the love and peace with people who really don't feel much peace at that time. May your day be filled with peace. If its not, look to the One that has the peace that you need.

Just wanted to add a little note that I hope someone out there is reading this and enjoying my blog. Feel free to post a comment. Thanks for spending a little time out of your day with me. I know that your time is precious.

It's spring here and the warm weather is welcome. The trees and flowers are blooming and if you are from the south then you know that the dogwood trees are in full bloom. It is all so beautiful. AAhhhh spring....looking forward to lazy summer days....vacation relaxation. Wait! What is that that I see all over everything, no it can't be, oh yes it is. POLLEN. It is everywhere. A yellow-greenish film all over everything as far as you can see....it is amazing how quickly it can cover a city. I just went to sleep last night and this morning the film is everywhere. What's worse is that everyone's eye's are itching, we are all sneezing and blowing our noses and asthma sufferers can't go outside. Tissue sales sky rocket because everyone needs more tissues. It takes all the fun out of spring. We need a good rain to wash it away. When that rain comes you can watch the pollen wash down the street. It's amazing to watch it run down the street and into the gutters. Once again your car is white not yellowish green and you can go outside without sneezing your head off. Yes, the rain had washed it all away.

Much like life. We are so excited....our life looks so good on the outside. We have a good job, nice house, nice car, the perfect family. It all seems so right. But really there is a film all over our life that creates great misery and we need a rain to wash away the misery. That film is sin. It can be a secret sin.....addiction to porn, alcohol, credit cards, sex,....any number of things that ruin our lives. Oh we carry on outwardly. No one really knows that we have any problems but we know and sometimes we wonder how long we can carry on.

I've been in that position of the secrets, hiding things hoping that no one finds out and at the same time hoping that some one does find out so that it will all be over and out in the open. I would pray for a way out. If you are stuck in one of these situations and are praying for a way out, keep praying and know that you are not alone, God hears you and He has not forsaken you. It will all work out. It will not be easy.......The rain will come and wash all the pollen in your life down the gutters and someday things will be clean again. Like spring bursting forth, it can be painful....the buds burst out, the caterpillars burst into butterflys....it can all be painful. No one promised life would be easy and pain free. So look for the spring and wait for the rain that will come and wash away the pollen (sin) and once again make all things clean and new. It really will come. I know....I've seen it with my own eyes.

Another day....As I watched the news about the miners in Virginia and the explosion, the families left behind, friends that made it out, I was aching for those people. I know that there are no words to ease their pain. I can remember when my dad died and the cards and calls that came in. I knew that people meant well and I appreciated their thoughts, but it really felt so empty, it really did not ease the pain or ache knowing that he was gone. The day of his funeral, I was caught by the fact that the world kept turning, people were shopping and going on with their lives not noticing that I was going to the cemetery to bury my dad. I wonder if all those miners families will have the same thoughts. I will pray for them, knowing that no words will ease the ache or loneliness of their loss. And yes, the world will keep turning and everyone else's life will go on and the loss of a father, brother, uncle, or son will go unnoticed in parts of town. We need to treasure every day we have here with our loved ones because we never know when they (or we) walk out the door that may be the last time we see them. Don't forget to say "I love you" you just never know.......

well, I've had some good response to this site. I hope people will read and enjoy. At work we have a rash of pregnant girls. They were amazed when they asked when I found out what I was having and I told them that when I had my babies we did not get ultra sound exams. Of course, we didn't have cell phones, lap top computers, digital cameras. Things have really changed. When you got in your car to go somewhere you did not talk to anyone until you arrived at your destination. No cell phone to call everyone. The issues are still the same tho.....is the baby going to be ok, is he going to grow up healthy, will I know how to raise him right? What if I mess this kid up and he turns out to be a mass murderer or something. Well, take heart. God knows you and He knows this child He is sending to you. He chose to give this child to you and He will give you the right wisdom and grace and mercy to raise this child. This child is your gift from God. Treat it with care, but be a good steward of this little life. Have a good day!

Since I have never really done anything like this, I want to start out by telling some things about myself. I am middle to older aged nurse. Kids are raised and grandkids are here. Husband is retired. I like to think that I have a level head and see things from a pretty good perspective. I have always wanted to write a book, but just never pursued that desire. Through this blog I hope to share some of the things that I would probably put in a book if I wrote it. It is my heart's desire to see families become closer and committed to one another. I want to see a commitment of husbands to wives and vice versa. I would love to see kids that could come to mom and dad with a problem without having to make an appointment. I also know that with all the commitments that we have now days it is so hard to make all the ends meet much less see each other from time to time. What everyone needs to remember is......the problems are the same.....the technology and the times are different. Come with me as we explore these issues.

Once again, I am not an authority.....just a mom and wife and daughter......I am living it just like you.......